Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Love at first sight

I'm supposed to be writing. And I am, but what I mean is that I'm supposed to be writing the next book. Not blog entries. Or maybe I am supposed to be writing this blog entry because somehow it's going to inform the book.

Who knows. I certainly don't.

Anyway, the last few weeks I've had a bunch of experiences where I've come into contact with people -- either through MTV, or Facebook -- and there's just been this instant bond and a ton of crazy synchronicities. Really amazing.

For instance, I've been dealing with this rather challenging interpersonal relationship (sounds like something on a Human Resources report) and I alluded to it on my Facebook status and got an email from a woman in L.A. who I've known for a while but didn't know-know. For whatever reason I ended up telling her about said challenging interpersonal relationship -- no idea why -- and the amount of identification she had, and the fact that she had gone through something SO similar just blew me away. I like to joke that I keep hoping that one morning I'll wake up with a typed letter from the Universe under my pillow giving me very specific answers to my problems and, honestly, that happened. But it ended up in my email inbox rather than underneath my pillow. Not that she had the answers, but she walked through a very similar experience, which made me feel understood and gave me hope that maybe one day it'll just be an interpersonal relationship rather than a challenging interpersonal relationship.

Okay, so that was just one of the crazy random synchronicity experiences. But the MAIN one occurred on Saturday night.

So on Saturday night I went to an opening for an artist I know and as I was saying goodbye to him, this woman arrived and walked up to him. He introduced us and I immediately recognized her name and we started talking...and kept talking...and kept talking...and kept talking. Through the rest of the opening, through the cab ride to dinner, through dinner, through the movies the next afternoon, through the hour-long conversation we had on the phone AFTER the movie...through our emails the next morning. She's a writer, she's Jewish, our birthdays are 3 days apart in the month of January and we have about nine million other things in common that don't need to be written about in a public forum. Oh, AND it turns out that we had a mutual friend in LA fifteen years ago and met at some point out there. About the only difference I've found so far is that she goes to the doctor on a very regular basis and has the Web M.D. website saved in her "Favorites" folder whereas I, as Amy well knows, prefer to remain ignorant about how the human body and antibiotics work and just suffer.

It was love at first sight with Ariel -- just like it was with Amy eight years ago.

So on Monday, Ariel calls the artist and says "I just want to thank you for introducing me to Robin -- I feel like I've found my long-lost sister." Just at that moment an email from me landed in his inbox. He opens it and it says Thanks so much for introducing me to Ariel. I feel like I've found my long-lost sister.


How's THAT for a synchronicity? Carl Jung must be dancing a jig in his grave at the moment.

My experience is that the older you get, the harder it is to make friends. Acquaintances? Not a problem. Friends? Not so much. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the fact that (hopefully) as you age, you just know yourself better and therefore you know what works and what doesn't. And if, like me, you're someone who not only spends a lot of time alone but actually enjoys it, it's even more difficult.

It's not that there isn't room to be suprised by people, but sometimes there's just this...instant knowing with friends. This instant bond.

Just like sometimes there's this instant bond with people with whom you then go on to have challenging interpersonal relationships.

Which can be excruciating when you're repeatedly discovering by putting your palm smack in the middle of a hot skillet that that instant bond isn't enough to overcome the "challenges" part of the equation.

The last few weeks have brought what I feel are some new friends into my life. Some of those relationships will blossom and turn into names on my speed dial of people with whom I can just say "Hi it's me" when I call rather than "Hi it's Robin." Or, even better, just "Hi," like I do with Amy and Michael Rosenberg and a few other people.

I'm happy to report that Ariel and I are already at the "Hi" stage.

And some of those new friends who I've met will be people with whom a feel an instant rapport when I see them, or through our emails, but not necessarily people I talk to on a daily basis.

Both are good.

In fact, as my friend Julie says (who was also an instant friend when we met all those years ago at a New Year's Day brunch), it's all good. All of it -- even the challenging interpersonal relationships. They may not feel good in the moment, but somewhere in your heart of hearts you know that they are because they take you where you need to be, even if you have no inkling of where that is.

The shitty part is that sometimes it takes a while for the feeling and the knowing to catch up to each other.

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